News Links
Photos
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Last Requests
Bob Sheiffer, Tom Brokaw, Katie Couric and a tough old U.S. Marine sergeant were all captured by terrorists in Iraq. The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.
Sheiffer said, "I'd like one last bowl of hot spicy chili." The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chili. Sheiffer ate it and said, "Now I can die content."
Brokaw said, "I'd like to hear the song "America the Beautiful" one last time." The leader nodded to a terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag musicians and played the anthem. Brokaw sighed and declared he could now die peacefully.
Couric said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end."
The leader agreed and Couric dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy."
The leader turned and said, "And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish?"
"Kick me in the ass," said the Marine.
"What?" asked the leader. "Will you mock us in your last hour?"
"No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the Marine. So the leader shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass.
The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9mm pistol from inside his cammies, and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine and sprayed the Iraqis with gunfire. In a flash, all the Iraqis were either dead or fleeing for their lives.
As the Marine was untying the three news anchors, "Ms Perky" asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them in the beginning? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass first?"
"What," replied the Marine, "And have you three %$#(&#@@ report that I was the aggressor."
Sheiffer said, "I'd like one last bowl of hot spicy chili." The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chili. Sheiffer ate it and said, "Now I can die content."
Brokaw said, "I'd like to hear the song "America the Beautiful" one last time." The leader nodded to a terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag musicians and played the anthem. Brokaw sighed and declared he could now die peacefully.
Couric said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end."
The leader agreed and Couric dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy."
The leader turned and said, "And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish?"
"Kick me in the ass," said the Marine.
"What?" asked the leader. "Will you mock us in your last hour?"
"No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the Marine. So the leader shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass.
The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9mm pistol from inside his cammies, and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine and sprayed the Iraqis with gunfire. In a flash, all the Iraqis were either dead or fleeing for their lives.
As the Marine was untying the three news anchors, "Ms Perky" asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them in the beginning? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass first?"
"What," replied the Marine, "And have you three %$#(&#@@ report that I was the aggressor."
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Ma Bell and the Writer
A man decided to write a book about famous churches around the military. He bought a plane ticket to Camp Lejeune, thinking he would start by working his way across the USA from south to north.
On his first day he was inside the Base Chapel taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall above a sign that read "$10,000 per call".
The man, being intrigued, asked a Marine who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The Marine replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The man thanked the Marine and went on his way.
Next, he stopped at Andrews Air Force Base in Washington, DC.
There, at a very large Chapel, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He asked a nearby Airman what this phone's purpose was.
She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God. "O.K., thank you," said the man, and left.
He then traveled to Ft. Leonard Wood, MO, Wright Patterson AFB, OH, Annapolis, MD, and Parris Island, SC. In every chapel he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.
Upon leaving Parris Island, he decided to travel to a Navy ship to see if he would find the same phone. He arrived onboard and while waiting to visit the ships chapel, he was invited into the Chief's Mess. There as the same golden telephone. This time, however, the sign under it read "40 cents per call". The man was surprised.
Just then, a Chief walked in and he asked about the sign. "Sailor, I've traveled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many chapels on many different military installations. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in the Marine Corps, the Army, the Air Force, and even other parts of the Navy, the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?"
The Chief smiled and answered, "You're in the Chiefs Mess now son, it's a local call."
On his first day he was inside the Base Chapel taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall above a sign that read "$10,000 per call".
The man, being intrigued, asked a Marine who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The Marine replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The man thanked the Marine and went on his way.
Next, he stopped at Andrews Air Force Base in Washington, DC.
There, at a very large Chapel, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He asked a nearby Airman what this phone's purpose was.
She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God. "O.K., thank you," said the man, and left.
He then traveled to Ft. Leonard Wood, MO, Wright Patterson AFB, OH, Annapolis, MD, and Parris Island, SC. In every chapel he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.
Upon leaving Parris Island, he decided to travel to a Navy ship to see if he would find the same phone. He arrived onboard and while waiting to visit the ships chapel, he was invited into the Chief's Mess. There as the same golden telephone. This time, however, the sign under it read "40 cents per call". The man was surprised.
Just then, a Chief walked in and he asked about the sign. "Sailor, I've traveled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many chapels on many different military installations. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in the Marine Corps, the Army, the Air Force, and even other parts of the Navy, the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?"
The Chief smiled and answered, "You're in the Chiefs Mess now son, it's a local call."
![[USAFNS.com atom.xml link]](http://www.usafns.com/weblog/images/atomfeed.gif "Click to view Gunner's Military Humor feed - atom.xml"){kind=small}