Gunner's Military Humor - USAFNS

One time during the underway watch the OOD decided to test a Chief Petty Officer's seamanship. "Chief, what would you do if the forward watch fell off the side of the ship?"

"Easy, sir, I'd call 'Man Overboard' and follow the Man Overboard procedures."

"What would you do if an officer fell overboard?"

"Hmmm," The Chief said, "Which one, sir?"

Labels: Chief, forward watch, Landing Signal Officer, man overboard, OOD, seamanship

The Master Chief noticed a new Seaman one day and barked at him to come in "What is your name?" was the first thing the Master Chief asked the new guy.

"John," the new guy replied.

The Master Chief scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart, liberal pansy stuff they're teaching Sailors in Bootcamp today, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my Sailors by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all.

I am to be referred to only as 'Master Chief.' Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Master Chief!"

"Good! Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling, MasterChief!"

"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."

Labels: Bootcamp, Liberal, Master Chief, Pansy, Sailors, Seaman

Four retired Navy Chief's are walking down the street window shopping. Then they turn a corner and see a sign that says "Veterans Bar" over thedoorway of an entry into an establishment that doesn't look all that well kept up. They look at each other then go in. On the inside, they realize inthis case, they could judge the 'book by it's cover'.

The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?" There seems to bea fully stocked bar so the men all ask for a martini. In short time the bartender serves up 4 iced martinis - shaken not stirred and says, "That'llbe 40 cents, please." The four Chiefs stare at the bartender for a moment then look at each other - they can't believe their good luck. They pay the40 cents, finish their martinis and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 more cents, please." They pay the 40 cents but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They've each had two martinis and so far they've spent lessthan a dollar. Finally one of the men says, "How can you afford to serve martini s as good as these for a dime a piece?"

The bartender replies, "No doubt you've noticed the decor in here. And the outside ain't nothin' to write home about. I don't waste money on thatstuff. But, here's my story. I'm a retired Master Chief Boatswain's Mate and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $45 million and decided to open this place for real veterans. Every drink costs a dime -- wine, liquor, beer, all the same."

"Wow. That's quite a story." says one of the men. The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice three other guys at the endof the bar who didn't have a drink in front of them and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there.

One man finished his martini and, gestured at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, "What's with them?"

The bartender says, "Oh, those are retired Marines. They're waiting for happy hour."

Labels: bartender, Boatswain's Mate, Marines, martini, Master Chief, Navy Chief, Retired Chiefs, Veteran Bar

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.

Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience):
"Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, --


And I didn't land."

Labels: Air Controller, Frankfurt Airport, Pan Am 747, Pilot