Gunner's Military Humor

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Old Country Preacher's Son

An old southern country preacher from Georgia had a teenage son named David and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects: a Bible, a silver dollar, a bottle of whisky, and a Playboy magazine.

I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself, "and when he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object he picks up.

If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be OK, But if picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunkard, and, Lord, what a shame that would be. And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he's gonna be a skirt-chasin' bum."

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired this month's Centerfold.

"Lord have mercy," the old preacher disgustedly whispered, "he's gonna be a Navy Chief".

Labels: Bible, Centerfold, Navy Chief, old preacher, whiskey

# posted by ~G @ 1:35 PM

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Erecting a Flagpole

One last class before graduation at the Naval Academy and the Instructor gave out one final assignment.

"Given one 20 foot metal pole, two bags of cement, a selection of shovels, a wheel barrow, and any other tools you might find necessary, AND One Chief, one Petty Officer and a selection of Seamen, DESCRIBE The process you will take to erect the pole so that a flag hung from it can be seen from 250 feet away. You have two hours. Begin."

The near-Ensigns began to write with concentration. At the end of two hours, the Instructor called time and collected the papers. Quickly paging through them, he announced the grades. "Ladies and Gentlemen, there are some thorough and detailed responses here, but only one "A". I would like to read it to you.

In order to erect the flag pole, I would do the following: Say "Chief, put up the flagpole."

Labels: Chief, CPO, Flagpole, Naval Academy, Navy, Petty Officer, Seaman

# posted by ~G @ 9:02 PM

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Ship's Boatswain in a Quandry

I was a brand new pin-stripe WO1 serving with a CWO3 Boatswain on the USS Newport News (CA-148) in late 1967. As we were about to pull into Da Nang harbor to take a two star admiral and his staff aboard (CTG 77.7.3 if I recall correctly). Originally, the plan was to highline the admiral and his staff aboard. But shortly after setting the highline detail, a low lying fog obscured visibility. The highline was originally set with the ship at General Quarters. Then, a second decision was made to fly the admiral aboard via heliocopter. For the unititiated, the Ship's boatswain is in charge of Repair 1 (damage control) while the ship is at GQ. He is incharge of all highlines, and he was also the helo Landing Signal Officer who uses the paddles to assist the pilot in landing the helo.

CWO3 Chris Schmidt was suppose to be in three different places at the same time - Repair 1(below decks), OIC of highline detail (main deck forward) and Landing Signal Officer (main deck aft-'fantail' for you sailors). CWO2 C. F. David, the Captain's Secretary had an office (also his GQ Station) near the wardroom later related the following story:

"I had slipped into the wardroom for a cup of coffee, when the Boatswain came into the wardroom in his rain slicks, dripping water all over everything, and plopped into his favorite chair in the corner of the wardroom. He sat there staring into space for about ten minutes when he muttered 'They will have to decommission the ship and run the crew off onto the pier to get this mess untangled.' "

True Story - Gunner

Labels: Boatswain, C. F. David, Chris Schmidt, CWO2, CWO3, Da Nang, highline, Landing Signal Officer, LSO, USS Newport News (CA-148), WO1

# posted by ~G @ 6:00 PM